Unobtainable
by LadyFayte
Summary: Erik awakens from an impossibly sweet dream, the like of which he hasn't had in decades. Charles catches the emotional aftermath.


Erik awakens from an impossibly sweet dream, the like of which he hasn't had in decades. He relives it for a moment, hand coming up to his hair, running through the dark ginger locks.

It was filled with sweet and chaste kisses, the kind he didn't think he would long for any more. There was a flash of chestnut locks and blue eyes, and...

He realizes with a cruel, cold rush of despair that he knows far too well.

Charles.

He loves Charles, in the way that he'd seen men put to death for. Ousted for. Shunned and stoned for.

And with everything he's lost, all the pain he's received and dealt...

If God had felt any mercy for him, he would have shown it by now. Would have spared his mother, his wife, his child. Would have spared him.

But no. No God had stayed the offending hand.

No almighty had stepped in to shield him.

And if he wouldn't do that, then why would he deign to give him another chance with this?

No, God is too cruel, to distant, to grant him an easy love.

He has to fall for the man who shamelessly flirts with women, and women only, whether drunk or sober. Has to fall for the man who is surrounded by people, desperate for his attention and affection. The man who is his only friend in this horrid world. Who would pat his shoulder and say "I'm sorry my friend." and carry on with his speech as if he weren't interrupted by a sudden mental profession of love.

He's doomed, in so many ways. This is only the latest.

His options are few and far between.

* * *

Charles lays as he does every night in bed before he sleeps, just about to cast his mental net wide over the mansion, and check in on everyone.

His mind is restless tonight. He'd nearly made a foolish mistake that day.

In an attempt to shut down his growing affection and admiration for the other man, he's taken to shutting himself out of the man's mind. It's done absolutely nothing to quell the fondness he knows is inappropriate, knows could land him in jail or dead on the street.

But today... Today he'd had to bite his tongue and reign in his thoughts so harshly, almost said the words he should never utter.

Erik had been so lost in thought, so stern and unapproachable and yet so undeniably magnificent, sitting across the fireplace from him. It still sent an ache through him to think of it. How wondrous it would be to have those indescribable eyes fixated on him and only him. To have them filled with a mirror of his own feelings.

But no. No, Erik's eyes would never look to him in that way. They never looked at anyone. In all the towns they visited in their search for others like them, Erik's eyes never lingered on anyone, male or female. No one held his interest, not in any bar or even the strip club where they had found Angel. And he himself had tried so hard to see something in those cool grey eyes, anything. Jealousy, lust, he'd take anything with a voracious appetite. But all he saw was cool disinterest and hints of something lost.

What options did he have? None that would bring him joy. He sighs, closing his eyes and quieting his mind to a murmur.

He cast his net like every night, making sure everyone was fine, saving Erik for last.

When he got to Erik, he was hit with a pain and longing and self-torment that was too strong to be his own.

Erik.

Something was wrong.

_Erik? _He sent out. _Are you alright, my friend?_

And suddenly, all of it was gone, as if bottled up and put behind a stronghold's wall. Shame met his inquiry, which was quickly swallowed as well.

_Erik?_ He pressed.

When he receives no acknowledgment, Charles rushes out of his room, robe be damned - his friend, the man he loves is in pain and isn't responding.

It feels like both a lifetime and no time at all before he's knocking on the door and calling out to the man on the other side.

"Erik? Erik, open the door!" The noise is loud, and he hopes to heaven that the children don't hear - what would they think? He hears motion in the room, and it's a slow, painful moment before the door opens.

Erik's face is a mask, cool and indifferent in the moonlight, a stark contrast from the throbbing pain Charles had felt. Erik doesn't say a word, and the shorter man's eyes start to fill with tears, and his hand comes up to cup the other male's face.

Erik's eyes dart away.

_Erik? Show me what's wrong. What's troubling you, my friend?_

Erik feels as if he's been slapped, remembering the fear from before, and it leaks past the barrier he's put up in his mind.

Charles takes that trickle and crumbles the entire wall easily, worry eclipsing his own decision to stay out of his friend's mind. And Erik feels it all tumble out, a waterfall of his pent up emotions. He hangs his head, silently cursing himself, because what's a bit more damnation as he awaits the final blow?

"Erik...? I..." In the onslaught, Charles loses his grasp on coherency, hope fluttering inside him as he glimpses the dream, and the reason for the taller man's fear. "Oh, my friend..."

Erik knows the worst is here, closes his eyes and sets his jaw to keep himself from making it worse somehow. As if, he thinks, it could be any worse than this. But then there are two hands on his face, and fingers grazing his hairline, and a rush of pure affection that hints of Charles. His eyes blink open, terrified he's hallucinated in his desperation, but no. No, Charles' hands are there, and there's a look in his eyes that Erik has strained to see in vain before. It's there now, painted in the brightest blue.

"My friend. Oh, my dearest friend. You are not alone in that, either." There's a tearful smile on the telepath's face, and relief that Erik has only felt once before floods him, as he wraps his arms around the other, pulling him close.

He can feel Charles chuckle against his neck, and then he's being pressed back into his room. And finally, finally, the magnitist presses his lips to the cherry red he's dreamed of. They press back, and when they part for breath, he doesn't wake up.


End file.
